Having others constantly telling you your gifted you should write is a good start but believing in yourself is another.
Over the years I have gained the confidence I need to move forward to my chosen career goal. I have found it to be a marathon. This morning I watched an adventure sports edition showing a runner who ran the distance of the pony express. It was quite a run of endurance, planning, training, skill and most of all support. I am fortunate to have someone that supports me, criticizes me and tells me the truth whether I want to hear it or not.
There are times he and I hash it out, not agreeing with a scenes outcome. All the while I'm thinking to myself I am the writer. I am the one in charge of these characters lives. I control them, their thoughts, the things they feel, those who I choose to let them interact with. Everything about them I control. I can do what ever I want to do. Then I settle my pride, taking the time to think on the things my supporter has told me. Soon I realized he was right. This scene did need some twitching and who was I to think the audience could read my mind to know what I would be saying next.
I learned over time that in reality I have some control over what I write and my supporter has a piece of the control. Overall it's my character's after all that control where the story is going. Once I write they seem to have a mind of their own. I plan the story to go one way but the character has it going somewhere else. Scenes I have planned slip into the distance and I wonder will they be in there at all.
In the years I have been so fortunate to have the information I need, for my writing career, at my fingertips. Strong information that has lead me forward. I have learned from my mistakes and am still learning.
I look at the books sitting on the shelves when ever I see them in a store or library. On the coffee table of someones home I am visiting. The television commercials that pass by my eyes. All of these are inspiration to keep going. I know one day I will see my work on the shelf too.
I'm not looking for fame and fortune. I don't want to see my name in lights and I'm afraid of the change of life that happens when ever you reach a point of having a fan base. I simply enjoy the gift to write. I picture myself sitting on a dock, in my recliner outdoor chair, writing away while hearing the wildlife around me. The fish jumping out of the water and making the ripples we all liked to watch when we were kids. I hear the noise of the city behind me but try to tune that out.
This is all so nice and cozy. A dream as strong as the white picket fence we all grew up believing we would have some day. The truth is, I envy the writers that can sit for hours typing away. The characters swallowing their strength as the day goes by. I struggle to concentrate long enough to keep up with my writing. My mind so full of scenes just waiting to explode onto the paper lying in front of me.
For now a page written is an accomplishment for me but one that is frowned upon by others. I can hear the thoughts 'A page, thats all? You will never finish your novel, your e-book or your script.' Inside the books are there, the characters are roaring to go and the endless plots go on and on. My mind is like a fine piece of machinery able to do several things at once. I think of my mind like the copy machine at the local office supply store. It has all the paper. It can accomplish many deeds when instructed to do so. It sits waiting for the instruction to come. Print this page, both sides of the paper, black and white ink, staple it and put three holes in it. My mind is as that copy machine, so many things to do and have the talent to do them.
Trying to sit down to write some days is such a fight. It seems to contradict itself in that I love to write but when it comes to doing the writing I have to force myself at times. I am still very proud. While others are saying "When is she ever going to finish this?" or "I'll believe it when I see it in print.", I'm busy saying to myself, 'You did it, you have come a little farther.'
It's a struggle but I am finding myself more motivated everyday. I see myself being able to be the writer who can sit and type away for hours and making the deadline. I can see a bright future and I am proud of what I have been accomplishing. When an inventor has an invention, he/she can see it in the mind long before the work is put into making it happen. Planning is involved, then the layout, piece by piece it comes together while the skeptics walk by mocking and laughing saying, "That thing will never work."
I may be off to a slow start but I am working everyday. The plans are layed out and piece by piece my writing is flowing. I can be mocked or unbelieved, it's okay with me now because I know I have the finished work and when it sits before the mocker on a shelf before their eyes I will hear them say, "Wow, she actually did it."
I have a long way to go and my writing has gone way past being only a dream. It's a reality. It's my life. I am so very proud I have taken the steps necessary to move on. I have come a long way. I can finish what I started. I am walking away with a smile on my face.
